Now that the Twilight saga is officially over, the inevitable question surfaces of “What film is the best? And which one is the worst?” [And the word “best” is used as a loose translation of “which one won’t have me on suicide watch after thirty minutes?”] This is all largely a matter of personal taste, but I figured I’d grade them all here…[The movies appear in chronological order, not order of quality.]
1. Twilight…This is the first movie, and, in my opinion, the best. It still suffers from the trademark awkwardness of the series (do they really need to have THAT many uncomfortable pauses after every word) but the characters still have a little life in them. The plot feels more intimate and it’s easy to see how that would appeal to the core demographic of teen girls, who don’t get quite as much romance in the later movies (which seem to be swamped in anti-abortion messages and vampire beheadings). Grade: B
2. New Moon…This seems to be the most divisive of the series. People either hate it or love it, and I think it’s more of a mediocre film. Whereas the first one was all about the swoon of young love (like the central couple’s first dance at prom), this is really about the depression and hopelessness that follows after it’s over. Not exactly riveting stuff (I can remember feeling impatient in the theater), but it is darker and more interesting. If only this series had the guts to really push things. Grade: C
3. Twilight Part 3: Eclipse…If the first movie isn’t the best, then it’s definitely this one. There’s a competently staged vampire battle at the end of it, and Bryce Dallas Howard giving the movie a pulse as the villain. The downside is that I can’t remember much else about it save for the last third, whereas the first two thirds are mostly set-up and unmemorable. Grade: B
4. Breaking Dawn: Part 1…Without question the worst of the series. Joyless, and miserable from beginning to end. What starts off as a mindless vampire wedding/honeymoon that should appeal to teen girls soon devolves into an anti-abortion message movie that any non-Bible thumper will find ridiculous and heavy handed. It made my pick for the worst movie of 2011. Grade: F+
5. Breaking Dawn: Part 2…I just reviewed this movie yesterday, but the cliff notes basically revolve around the fact that this movie is set-up, set-up, set-up for a climax that never really comes. It robs the series of a proper catharsis and makes the whole series feel like the stakes were no higher than a bunch of wholesome vamps getting ice cream. Grade: C