Everything Petty Issues Has Taught Me In the Last Year

Lessons 1 through 5: Not a damn thing. Oh well, might as well make a list anyway.

Lesson 5: That People Really Love “Asshole of the Week.” Although I think 14 individual segments a week is plenty, if I were to add one, it would probably an entirely separate segment for Asshole of the Week. Either that or one for book reviews…which do you think would be more popular? What’s that? “Asshole of the Week” by a mile you say? Well, then I’ll stick to leaving it inside Petty Issues.

Lesson 4: People Like Rants. I could explain that further, but why?

Lesson 3: Ranting About a Type of Everyday Asshole Can Be as Satisfying as Ranting About Politicians. What’s just as cathartic as piling on Ron Paul or Mitt Romney? Attacking the assholes that would vote for them. Oh sure, there’s no direct evidence to suggest a blowhard on the subway or a jackass that selfishly urinates on public toilets is against universal healthcare, but I think we can make that link.

Lesson 2: Petty Issues is the Easiest Thing to Write Every Week. I don’t know whether it’s my years of Facebook-status writing that I use for training (Petty Issues are essentially FB statuses or more in-depth tweets) or the fact that there will always be famous people doing stupid things in the news, but this is just easier to write than most things on the site.

Lesson 1: Asshole of the Week Writes Itself When There is a Republican Primary. Next year I’ll miss Michelle Bachmann and Rick Perry and even Donald Trump as the Republican primary goes the way of the dodo bird and I’m forced to put a full minute into finding an asshole every week. But I’m sure there will always be people like Karl Rove and the Tea Party around to pick up the slack. Oh, and let’s not pretend Ron Paul is going anywhere. Hell, bring on 2013!