It’s a proud Alabama Liberal tradition to rank all of a completed year’s movies from worst to best—beat that paid-critics with your limited “Top 10” lists—and as always there’s just a few qualifiers: 1. Just because movies share the same letter grade (like a C grade) doesn’t mean they’re equal, and the rankings reflect which movies of the same grade are just a little bit better. 2. 2016 was overall a so-so year for movies, certainly not as good as year’s past (like 2014) but not the worst year for movies since I’ve been doing this either (truth be told, that may have been 2015). Although this year’s “Top 5” isn’t as good as last year’s, I think the overall crop are stronger this year.
The Worst Film of 2016: Hacksaw Ridge…I cannot believe critics have fallen for this piece of shit. This “Mel Gibson comeback” movie is exactly like his other directorial outings (the religious-persecution complex, the suffering for faith martyr-ism, the homoerotic undertones, the absurd melodramatics) except this one isn’t nearly as interesting as “Apocalypto” or “Passion of the Christ,” both of which managed to conjure a feeling of otherworldly mysticism into their torture-porn scenes. “Hacksaw” is blatantly ridiculous in at least a dozen scenes—how did other critics keep from rolling their eyes during the film’s crazier moments?—and mostly goes through the tired WWII tropes as it disguises a Christian propaganda movie as a prestige picture. The fact that so many critics allowed this paranoid persecution fantasy to trojan-horse its way into the Oscar race is a disgrace.
100. I Saw the Light: D-…If people unfamiliar with Hank Williams Jr. watch this biopic, they may think they’ve stumbled onto the life story of America’s most boring musician.
99. High Rise: D-…Not a great year for Tom Hiddleston movies. This “Snowpiercer” rip-off thought it was a good idea to take a class-warfare narrative and smother it in 70’s kitsch.
98. The Do-Over: D-…Some criticis said “Better than ‘The Ridiculous Six'” but it wasn’t.
97. Alice Through the Looking Glass: D-
96. The Brothers Grimsby: D
95. The Wild Life: D
94. Keanu: D…If this same movie had starred Sandler/David Spade as guys pretending to be mobsters or skinheads, it’d be a sure-thing contender for the Razzie awards.
93. Zoolander 2: D
92. Spectral: D
91. The Huntsman 2 Winter’s War: D…A great example of a sequel nobody wanted, but was cynically marketed as “empowering” to disperse questions of how useless it is.
90. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon 2: D+
89. The Mermaid: D+
88. Independence Day 2: D+
87. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2: C-
86. Memoris of an International Assassin: C-
85. Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children: C-…Between this and Alice in Wonderland 2 (which he produced) Tim Burton has officially run out of juice. His “fantastical worlds” have never looked more like cynical corporate check-cashing.
84. Finding Dory: C-…A shockingly bad and lazy sequel that replaced the vibrant blues of “Nemo” with dank, dirty-brown aquarium-dungeons out of a “Saw” movie, and the climax—that features an octopus driving a truck—is a huge step-down from last year’s “Inside Out” or even “The Good Dinosaur.”
83. X-Men: Whatever: C-…Please don’t let Bryan Singer direct any more of these movies. It’s become clear that he is completely cut-off from the joy of what makes them work. [Why cast Olivia Munn in a skintight latex suit and then feature her for all of 5 minutes? Why sideline future-stars like Alexandra Shipp or Sophia Turner to give more screen-time to a slumming-it Jennifer Lawrence who has made it clear she hates being in these movies?]
82. Gods of Egypt: C-…As badly as I wanted to like a movie that embraced Egyptian mythology, I’ll have to hold out for the next one.
81. Allegiant (or “Divergent 3″): C…So boring it may have single-handedly killed this franchise as the fourth and final part may not even hit theaters.
80. Monster Hunt: C
79. Money Monster: C…”Uhhh, Wall Street sucks…uhhh, something-something, poignant.”
78. Neighbors 2: C
77. Star Trek Beyond: C
76. How to Be Single: C
75. Criminal: C
74. Triple 9: C…Waste of a great cast
73. Masterminds: C
72. Cafe Society: C
71. Captain America: Civil War: C
70. The Accountant: C…Although I would watch a sequel to this film, and there is something interesting to work with here.
69. Batman Vs. Superman: C+
68. Barry: C+
67. Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: C+
66. Knight of Cups: C+
65. Blue Jay: C+
64. Jason Bourne: C+
63. 13th: C+…For exactly why this is so low, check out the full review.
62. Doctor Strange: C+
61. Jane Got a Gun: C+
60. The Lobster: B-…An interesting but joyless movie. Perhaps the best movie of 2016 that I will never watch again.
59. Miles Ahead: B-
58. The Legend of Tarzan: B-
57. The Hollars: B-
56. Love and Friendship: B-
55. Genius: B-
54. Whisky Tango Foxtrot: B-
53. Into the Inferno: B-
52. Eye in the Sky: B-
51. Race: B-
50. Dark Horse: B-
49. Now You See Me 2: B-
48. Green Room: B-
47. The Finest Hour: B-
46. Deadpool: B-
45. The Forest: B
44. The 5th Wave: B
43. Barbershop 3: The Next Cut: B
42. Other People: B
41. The Ivory Trade: B
40. Queen of Katwe: B
39. The Nice Guys: B
38. Pop Star: Never Stop Never Stopping: B+
37. The Wave: B+
36. Hail, Caesar: B+…The most joyful movie the Coens have made since “Raising Arizona.” I kept waiting for the characters to be punished—as the Coens love to do—and was thrilled when the axe never came.
35. Everybody Wants Some: B+…Richard Linklater excels at making micro-indies people might actually enjoy watching.
34. Eddie the Eagle: B+
33. Moonlight: B+…A movie I wanted to like more than I did—it felt queasy and too cautious in portraying black male homosexuality—but still a tender, clear-eyed look into the pitifully lonely soul of Little/Chiron/Black.
32. Kubo and the Two Strings: B+
31. Creative Control: B+
30. Our Kind of Traitor: B+
29. The Hunt for the Wilderpeople: B+…Jubilant, offbeat, unique setting, and wonderful performances.
28. Kung Fu Panda 3: B+…Any movie that tries to teach “Zen” to kids is doing something right, but the first two were better.
27. Nerve: B+…The movie that comes closest to capturing the thrill and voyeurism of today’s youth culture, where you don’t know if you’re going to die or have your dreams come true playing a simple, virtual game of “Dare.”
26. Don’t Breathe: B+…Elevated by Stephen Lang’s brillaint “Frankenstein’s monster” performance, as a “villain” more sympathetic than the heroes.
25. The Shallows: B+…Better than it has any right to be.
24. Pete’s Dragon: B+…Wonderfully old-fashioned family film with an ecological, “leave nature alone” message. “Elliot the dragon” is one of 2016’s best special effects.
23. Star Wars: Rogue One: B+…A terrific, fantastically-adult ending is undermined slightly by this film’s unnecessary dips into nostalgia with cameos from past-favorite-characters.
22. The Free State of Jones: B+…The most unfairly dismissed movie of 2016. This film should be watched as a blueprint for how to drive a wedge between the Republican Party and their working-class base/foot-soldiers.
21. 10 Cloverfield Lane: A-…Terrifically tense, and came closest to capturing the paranoia of our political times.
20. Sausage Party…9/10ths of this movie are so good, I hate to take points off for a cheap, cynical ending that undermines most of the points that came before it.
19. War Dogs…Arguably the best film ever made about the new cutthroat, weirdly aspirational culture of privatized war.
18. The Last Man on the Moon…Although it should be admitted that I’m a space-nut, and you have to have at least some appreciation for the wonder of the Space Age.
17. Zootopia…Endlessly inventive with a great message for kids.
16. Deepwater Horizon…Very important corporate disaster film that too many overlooked.
15. Moana…Beautifully animated, gorgeous setting, interesting characters, but there’s no question the film could’ve used a little bit more of the weirdness apparent in Jermaine Clement’s show-stopping “Shiny” song.
14. The Angry Birds Movie…No I’m not kidding ranking this film so highly. By all rights, it should be terrible (I didn’t even want to watch it), but “Red” is just as important a figure for young kids as Elsa or Moana. It’s the first film for kids in ages—or film period—that says it’s okay to get angry sometimes, a rebuke to our zoned-out, “happy pills” culture.
13. Under the Shadows…An Iranian horror-fantasy (I know!) about a Jinn stalking a young mother who is also being quietly repressed by Iranian Islamo-fascism. The eerie mood is quietly building, but demonic possession is the perfect allegory for growing government oppression: like a frog in a pot of boiling water, you don’t feel the incremental changes until it’s too late.
12. The Arrival…Can humanity work together before we’re destroyed? A relevant film for 2016, to be certain, and the look of this movie is beautiful.
[Tie] 10. Sully/A Hologram for the King…Another great year for Tom Hanks—will this guy please run against Trump in 2020?—with two very different films. “Sully” reimagines the four-square pilot Captain “Sully” as a counter-culture hero quietly raging against the digital world. Even if you think you’re bored with this story, the recreations are exciting, and director Eastwood is clearly enjoying putting a bunch of digital-age phonies in their place through Sully’s old-fashioned know-how.
“Hologram” is arguably even better, a perfect exploration of the anxiety and hope globalization can bring. As Hanks aging salesman faces a career-low-point he may also find renewed life in the most unexpected of romances.
9. The Invitation…The best 2016 film you’ve probably never heard of but this “Dinner Party from Hell” suspense film is a quietly-building wow-zer with the single best closing shot of any 2016 movie. The “horror” is our friends, our ideas, our memories, and perhaps even ourselves, as we follow an unreliable narrator through a dinner party (hosted by his ex-wife, who’s now involved in a very strange new religion) that soon begins to feel like a prison, another good metaphor for our socially anxious times.
8. Sing Street…What starts-off as a dreary slog through a drab Irish kid having a very tough moment in life, gradually snaps to life through the power of music. The first film that truly gets the power of Music Video culture to transport us into feel-good-fantasies so strong they might actually get you to change your life.
7. Loving…Casting issues aside (would it kill one historical film about the South to cast actual Southern actors?), this quietly excellent film shows the real Lovings as they were: ordinary people who had no desire to be role models, revolutionaries, or icons, but were thrown into the counter-culture “rebel” label simply by loving each other. One of the best films I’ve ever seen that gets you inside the skin of an oppressive system, where people simply fighting for equality are seen as “troublemakers” who just won’t listen to “what’s good for them.” The racist Big Brother system of the segregationist South thought of itself as a benevolent Uncle protecting its citizens from being bullied by federal meddling, oblivious to the people they were trampling over. Quietly affecting, and more important this year than any time in the last couple decades.
6. Lala Land…I can’t say much that over critics haven’t already said about this rapturous romance. It sees the twin, parallel struggles of trying to make great art in a corporatized age, and lasting love in a millennial culture that doesn’t seem programmed for it.
5. The Jungle Book…Call me a sell-out all you want, but this was hands-down the best Blockbuster of the year. Shere Khan is the best kids-movie villain since Scar in “The Lion King,” a viscerally frightening, man-hating demon creature straight out of your nightmares. And a great voice cast—of course Scarlett Johansson should be the python Kaa—is topped-off by a loopy Christopher Walken and beyond-perfect Bill Murray as con-artist bear Baloo. Can human nature survive with Mother Nature? Only if humans stop thinking of them as different in the first place.
4. Midnight Special…I have never seen an independent film like this one, which could easily have cost a lot of money to make, but didn’t. Director Jeff Nichols—who also made “Loving” and is easily 2016’s hottest director—has found a way to make the edgiest, quirkiest Spielberg movie that Spielberg never made. From the opening scene (which appears to be a night-time child abduction complete with night vision goggles to avoid an amber alert on the freeway) something else is happening here, and by the time we find out just why so many people want this boy it’s in a climax that redefines movie magic. For the same budget that a movie like “The Avengers” probably used just for their catering, Nichols pulls off the best special effects extravaganza of the year.
3. Don’t Think Twice…Mike Birbiglia’s scathing improv-comedy-troupe satire is so good it’s practically a drama. [Just look at Birbiglia’s Miles when one of his comedy partners gets a big break and tell me that isn’t acting worthy of Iago with thinnly-veiled, jealous rage barely contained.] It’s about an NYC group of comedians facing the fact that all of them may not “make it” when a few get a chance to audition for an SNL-type sketch comedy show. One of the most realistic and honest movies ever made about the struggle to make it in media–at first on your own terms, and then just on any terms.
2. Hell or High Water…Sensational bank-robbery drama that’s the most politically relevant crime film since the 70’s. If “Bonnie and Clyde” (which now looks slightly goofy and overrated) was about the 60’s trying to figure out the 30’s, “High Water” is about right now, an age of robber-barons pretending to be Reaganomics “wealth facilitators” keeping people poor through easy loans. As Chris Pine’s everyman bank robber explains in an exquisite end monologue, poverty in America has become genetic, “it’s like a sickness passed through the genes.” “Hell or High Water” is the only movie of 2016 that can be equally appreciated by Trump and Hillary fans, an apolitical tale about the new-normal anxiety of getting squeezed by all sides in an American landscape that feels slightly deserted and outlaw-heavy. Of the many things this Texas-set drama gets right: the bank customers who fire back at the robbers, and the nihilistic, end-of-the-road freedom symbolized by the fact that just about everyone seems to be carrying a gun.
The Best Film of 2016: Weiner…This is the first time I’ve picked a documentary as the best movie of the year, and I would’ve surely loved to put “Hell or High Water” here instead. [In a way, they co-own this spot.] But I knew “Weiner” was the one for me the second I saw it–Wait, that’s not what I meant…
Who knew Anthony Weiner would be the millennial “Citizen Kane?” And this doc comes as close to any explanation I’ve ever seen—blog, book, film, play, or otherwise—of why “Sexting” is becoming the vice of our times.
Watching a “great” man (it’s arguable of whether or not Weiner would’ve been a great mayor of NYC) completely undone by a personal failing is the stuff of Greek tragedy. Of course, that might sound a little lofty for a film that also features the down-and-dirty tabloid voyeurism of surreal meta-moments like showing Weiner’s wife (the long-suffering Huma Abedin, demonized aide to Hillary Clinton) as she’s watching her husband’s penis on TV news or the fame-hungry “Sydney Leathers” (Weiner’s…ummm…internet quasi-mistress/enemy/therapist/facebook friend?) as she tries to force a reality-TV style confrontation with Weiner outside his election night concession party.
“Weiner” is a lot shorter in runtime than other male-suffering dramas like “Fences,” “Manchester by the Sea,” or the worst film of 2016 “Hacksaw Ridge,” which “Weiner” is a bizarre mirror version of as Anthony Weiner himself just wants to get on with his business but everyone around him can’t stop obsessing about a personal decision. But it packs in so much more commentary on media, politics, sex, scandal-culture, gotcha-culture, and the question of “Can anyone really change?” or “How do you even treat an addiction that doesn’t require you to be in the same room with what you’re addicted to?”
For all these reasons and more, “Weiner” is the Best Film of 2016.