Entertainment Editorial: Let’s Deport British, Canadian, and Australian Actors!

This week is going to be illegal immigrant week here on Alabama Liberal, but today I’d like to address the real problem. Instead of deporting Mexicans deboning chickens at Tyson Foods, we ought to be focusing on the real menace to society that’s hogging up all the good jobs: the British, Irish, Scottish, South African, Canadian, and Australian actors that are taking all of Hollywood’s best roles!

In the past 15 to 20 years Hollywood is seemingly incapable of giving us a new “star” that’s American. Just think about Russell Crowe (if you have to), Hugh Jackman, Ewan McGregor, James McAvoy, Christian Bale, Heath Ledger (actually my favorite, so of course he had to die), Michael Fassbender, Tom Hardy, Colin Farrell, James Purefoy (now they’re just making up variations of James McAvoy), the cast of True Blood, that dude who played Thor, Henry Scab Cavill who’s playing superman when Jon Hamm should be, Ryan Reynolds, Ryan Gosling, Ricky Gervais, Simon Pegg, that dude who played Thor’s brother, Idris Elba, Matthew Good, Jonathan Rhys Meyers, Daniel Craig, Jude Law, Thomas Jane, Simon Baker, Hugh Laurie, Clive Owen (my second favorite, so of course his career’s going nowhere), and the list is just endless really. Factor in that new British nobody Andrew Garfield who’s playing Spider-Man (a job that used to belong to hardworking American Tobey Maguire) and its enough to make you pissed.

Gerard Butler has been shoved down my throat but the best new American actor is…Larry the Cable Guy? Give me a break Hollywood! The new Spider-Man is British, the Green Lantern is Canadian, the new Superman is British, Batman has been British, and the only American hero we’ve had all year is Seth Rogen (yes, Seth Rogen) as The Green Hornet. Why don’t you just cast Colin Firth in a remake of Die Hard? “Yes I do say old boy, Yippee-kayyeah–what was the line, oh yes old chap, mother fucker!”

Why force out Mexicans making 12,000 dollars a year picking fruit when we can force out Hugh Grant making 1000 times that much, seems like a lot easier that way. If we really want the good paying jobs to go to Americans, let’s start with Hollywood.