It’s great to pretend that critics go into movies entirely neutral about them, but, honestly, they don’t. There are just always going to be some movies you look more forward to than others. It was true when I did a similar list in the summer, and especially true in the Fall…where Hollywood rolls out their absolute best films for Oscar consideration. This year looks especially strong, but maybe that’s just because the year-to-date has been so weak. Either way, I thought I’d tick down a list of five fall movies I’m looking the LEAST forward to, the five I’m most on the fence about, and the ten I’m really excited for.
The Five I’m Looking the LEAST forward to…
5. Playing for Keeps/Chasing Mavericks…two shitty looking Gerard Butler movies, one a romantic comedy where he plays a scoundrel trying to win back his ex-wife (zzzzzzz…) and the other a family friendly surfing movie…wow, wake me for those two.
4. Resident Evil 15 or Whatever the Fuck Number It Is…If there’s one thing I’m more tired of than zombie films (creatures that are as over exposed as vampires but without their versatility), it’s pointless cash-grab sequels. If I review this film, it means I’ve seen it, and if I’ve seen it, it means something has gone terribly wrong.
3. House at the End of the Street…Every Fall brings a lot of cruddy looking horror flicks, but the fact that this one wastes the phenomenal talent of Jennifer Lawrence is a crime unto itself. It’s like watching a young Meryl Streep at the height of her excitement slum it as the love interest in an Adam Sandler comedy.
2. Won’t Back Down…This movie looks anti-teacher as hell from the trailer and considering it was financed with conservative money (Walden Media) I’m guessing it’s the 400th conservative propaganda film to scapegoat teacher’s unions for all the evils of public education. That, and the fact it looks cheesy as hell, AND the fact the trailer says it’s based on a true story…BUT it’s not. It’s a fictional movie pretending to be fact-based and that’s dangerous as hell to me.
1. Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2…Actually, out of these five, it’s probably the only film I’ll actually watch, and I can’t say I’m exactly dreading it. Sniff, sniff…the truth is, I’ll be sad that I don’t have the Twilight franchise to kick around anymore. Most franchises are just generally cruddy (look at Resident Evil) and make you feel kind of numb, but there’s something wonderfully, singularly weird and preposterous about the Twilight movies. I can’t say that makes them good movies, but it’s a lot like watching an Ed Wood movie with a hundred million dollar budget, and I think that’s a strangely impressive feat.
The Five I’m Not-So-Sure-About…[Ranked in order from LEAST sure about to slightly more positive about]
5. Alex Cross…Tyler Perry ditching the drag queen act to play a hardboiled FBI agent on the trail of a muscle-freak serial killer (an equally against type Matthew Fox). Something tells me I’ll be missing Morgan Freeman (who previously played Alex Cross), plus the trailer looks really generic.
4. Jack Reacher…Speaking of generic, this new thriller from Tom Cruise looks to be as well. Of course, Cruise normally has good taste in projects, so it’s worth giving the benefit of the doubt to, but…well, keep your doubts as well.
3. Paranormal Activity 4…I know some people hate this franchise, but I’ve actually enjoyed it to this point. The films work in an insidious, sneaky way that slow-crawl into your brain and make you afraid of your own home for a couple days afterward. I have no reason to believe they can’t continue giving me the creeps, but I’ll admit that four in four years is starting to play out.
2. The Hobbit…I know some nerds would tar and feather me for including this in the “not too excited” column, and yet, I have to admit, there’s not a bone in my body excited for this film. I’m only putting it here instead of the “definitely not looking forward to” column because I know the films will be masterful in the technical categories. Still, if the whole thing feels like a cash grab to keep milking a franchise, don’t be too surprised…
1. Django Unchained…Don’t get me wrong, I am excited to see this movie, but skeptical that it will be good. I’m definitely looking more forward to it than anything I’ve listed so far (which is why it’s at the top of the not-so-sure about list) but how long can Quentin Tarantino keep coasting on 70’s trash before he makes an outright flop? Mixing blaxploitation with the Western genre sounds like a stroke of genius, but what should feel delirious or gritty about the trailer actually feels kind-of cheesy. I know that you can’t judge a movie by its trailer (and shouldn’t), but it does create pause. This is the Fall’s second biggest wildcard…
The Ten I’m Looking MOST Forward…
10. Cloud Atlas…And this is the season’s biggest. A sprawling, ambitious, potential masterpiece (or train wreck) from The Matrix’s Wachowski siblings starring Tom Hanks in multiple roles that span space and time. Even if this film is awful, it will be interesting.
9. End of Watch…First person movies (those films shot from found-footage like The Blair Witch Project, Project X, and the best of the bunch, Chronicle) have enjoyed a big year both commercially and creatively. It seems only natural that they would make the leap to action films, and this David Ayer (writer Training Day and the underrated Dark Blue) film about two thrill seeking L.A. cops trying to dodge a drug cartel could really deliver.
8. Not Fade Away. If you believe, as I do, that The Sopranos is one of the greatest television series of all time, then it’s worth watching the film debut of that show’s creator/mastermind David Chase. I have to admit I’m not entirely excited about revisiting the 60’s rock culture (it’s been done…and done…and done), but the mob genre was pretty stale when Chase got ahold of it too.
7. Arbitrage/Liberal Arts…Two indie films opening tomorrow (one starring Richard Gere as a crafty hedge fund manager trying to sell off his company before his fraud can be found out, the other a film about a college graduate revisiting his beloved liberal arts college and connecting with an attractive student who wakes him up) that seem like sleeper gems. Neither of them is quite “big enough” to list on their own, but together they work quite nicely…one to spin your brain into tricks, and the other to lift up your more emotional side.
6. Life of Pi…This colorful adaptation involves a capsized boat filled with exotic animals and an Indian boy living on a lifeboat with a tiger. I’m about 50 percent sure this film won’t be good, but I’m still excited for it. The truth is that sometimes a very lively or original dud is actually better than a good film that plays it safe…
5. Argo…And a “good film that plays it safe” might be exactly what Argo is. I really like Ben Affleck as a director (Gone Baby Gone is underrated, and The Town is a well-deserved hit) and think he’s an unfairly bashed actor, but I can’t say I’m doing cartwheels to watch this movie, even though I am nearly positive it will be good. A bird in the hand is better than two potential flops in the bush (Cloud Atlas, Life of Pi), but it ain’t always as exciting.
4. Skyfall…I know, I know, after all the times I’ve bitched about franchise films this year (where nearly every movie is a sequel or adaptation), the hypocrisy police should lock me up for being excited for the new James Bond movie. And yet, I love the new franchise (Casino Royale is the best of the entire series, and the unfairly dismissed Quantum of Solace actually has a believable plot about the control of a country’s water), which manages to somehow be more believable and interesting than the Mission Impossible films, but also a little deeper than the Bourne films (without sacrificing any glamour). The fact that Bond will face off against Javier Bardem (Anton Chigur from No Country for Old Men!) with Naomi Harris as the Bond girl, in a film directed by Sam Mendes makes this an extremely exciting prospect.
3. Lincoln…Which Steven Spielberg will show up to direct this movie? The shockingly mature Schindler’s List artist? Or the guy who sometimes fumbles drama by playing it too light and being afraid of its darker elements? I don’t know, but by now I think he’s earned the benefit of the doubt. By now, he may actually be underrated if you really look at his body of work, being too successful for too long and causing some to take him for granted. Plus, seeing Daniel Day Lewis play Lincoln is reason enough to buy a ticket.
2. The Master…Any Paul Thomas Anderson movie (Hard Eight, the criminally under appreciated Magnolia, Boogie Nights, Punch Drunk Love, There Will be Blood) is an event onto itself, but getting Joaquin Phoenix and Phillip Seymour Hoffman to play off each other in a story supposedly-based off the founding of Scientology will be fascinating at the very least.
1. Zero Dark Thirty…The Hurt Locker’s Kathyrn Bigelow made the best movie (I might say, only great movie) about the Iraq War, and now she’s back with a film that chronicles the near-twenty year manhunt for Osama Bin Laden. The trick will be to not just focus on the raid that successfully killed him, which would be too straightforward and not all that interesting, but to really dig into the entire journey, all the false leads, starts, stops, fake outs, duplicitous Pakistani agents, Afghan warlords, and the real business of intelligence gathering. Doing that will be the rarest of all Hollywood movies: an epic that feels timely. The Social Network did it two years ago, Up in the Air did it three, and I think the director of the last war movie to do it, is already starting in a great place.
Nice that you love movies. I always come here first for reviews because you are so brutely honest. Which is what I like. Good job!