Category: Monday Morning Movie Reviewer

Exciting, tense, beautifully crafted, and—–best of all—–an actual adult film in the summertime. This is the blockbuster those of us deprived of mature action-films have been waiting for, and it’s just a shame one asshole in Colorado had to overshadow it this weekend (but more about that later in the week). I don’t think any of that should be talked about…

As the title of this post suggests there will be other superhero entertainment reviewed today (like the Broadway show “Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark” and what everyone is really waiting for “The Dark Knight Rises”) but for now let’s start with the movie that most people like but few people love “The Amazing Spider-Man” a…

By now, the Ice Age films have lost pretty much all place in the culture at large and are really only about getting a paycheck every three years (like clockwork). Hey, the films still make money, so why not milk this cow ’til the udders bleed? But will you really enjoy yourself at these movies anymore?… What…

You know how sometimes you know a movie won’t be for you but you go watch it anyway? No…well, uhhh, this is awkward…Well anyway, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t enjoy this movie as I’m almost entirely neutral on the subject of Katy Perry (a lot of her soaring pop anthems might as well be…

I came to Oliver Stone’s new movie with a different perspective than some of the audience, since I actually read Don Winslow’s book “Savages” on which this is based. The two projects aren’t all that different, but they differ in hundreds of small ways that add up (like the fact that Salma Hayek’s cartel head…

Another independent movie you’ve never heard of to go along with Beasts of the Southern Wild and To Rome with Love lol, and one even less worthy of your dollars. What Works: The movie is about two professors (Cillian Murphy and Sigourney Weaver) who tour the country debunking “supernatural phenomenon” but eventually run foul of…

Alright so this movie’s kind-of stupid right? Problem is, it may not be stupid enough. The weirdest thing in this movie is that they play the story entirely straight, and there isn’t a drop of irony in having the 16th president of the United States swing a giant axe on top of a vampire’s skull. It’s…

This is a really, really divisive film and you have to be a very specific kind-of audience to watch it and in a very specific kind-of mood to like it. It doesn’t have a “plot” so much as a loose story and how much you like it will probably depend on what you go to…

There are really two schools of critics when it comes to current-day Woody Allen. There are those who are just thankful the legend is still alive and still making roughly a movie a year (not unlike an auteur version of James Patterson). And there are those that think this approach has really, really caused the…

How well you like this movie really comes down to whether you’re a fan of old-Disney princesses (everything from Cinderella to Pocahontas) or Pixar (everything from Ratatouille to Wall-E). Because this is definitely the most traditionally Disney movie that Pixar has ever made. It takes a reliably Disney formula (slightly tradition-breaking princess + slightly different…

Will gay men and straight women (the movie’s key demographic) enjoy this movie? They should. But will straight men dragged to this movie by their girlfriends or wives (like myself) enjoy this movie? Actually, they just might. It all falls down to three important factors 1. There is nearly as much female nudity as male…

Has everybody in America seen this movie already? Probably…AND the story is old as dirt, so at least I don’t have to worry about spoilers…but I don’t have to worry about them anyway since there’s not really anything to spoil for a story so old. What Works: In two words: Charlize Theron. She takes the…

This is really two movies. There’s one movie that’s pretty good whenever Tom Cruise is onscreen. And there’s a second movie that is God-awful whenever he’s not onscreen. Unfortunately, he’s only onscreen for about one quarter of it. What Works: Again, Tom Cruise. Just as “Seeking a Friend for the End of the World” was…