Here’s hoping against hope Showtime won’t greenlight some God-awful Harrison spinoff, and this actually will be all the seasons of Dexter there are. The seasons of Dexter are a little hard to properly rank since the series has two bad seasons, two terrific seasons, and five that are different variations of “pretty good.” It’s those five “middle-tier” seasons that were the only real headache to rank.
Worst Season: Season 6…Most people would rank the final season as the worst, but I still think there’s enough absolute strangeness and unpredictability in it to rank it just a little bit higher. Season 6 actually should work since it has a killer (Colin Hanks) who’s motivated by religion, and that would’ve served as a nice counter-point to Dexter’s code. A better-written season might’ve played them off each other earlier and in more interesting ways, but “Dexter” seems so bored with its main season set-up that it has Dexter abandon everything mid-season to chase a “lead” on the long-dead Trinity killer in Nebraska. That’s also an idea that should work since we’re seeing Dexter enter the heartland and leave Miami for one of the only times in the entire series, but it’s emblematic of what’s wrong with the entire season: potentially good set-ups that go nowhere. Grade: C-
8. Season 8…The original “final season” that feels half-baked and poorly thought out throughout: Deb is now completely okay with Dexter’s vigilantism and even siccing him on people? Dexter thinks it’s a good idea to let his young son leave the country with a woman he almost killed (in the previous season) for being a serial killer? Not only do none of Dexter’s police colleagues find out the truth about him, but they don’t seem to think it’s strange when he kills someone (quickly, adeptly, and with only a pen) right in front of them? Still, the “final season” has been so maligned that it’s easy to miss the obvious upside: at least it’s unexpected. I can’t say the same for “Dexter New Blood”‘s finale. Most of that is so predictable that I found myself longing for something as strange as Dexter sailing Deborah’s body into a hurricane that he uses to fake his death with, and then living in exile as a lumberjack in Oregon. Grade: C
7. Season 2…Some people might balk at me ranking this season so low (and this is the beginning of those “middle tier” seasons I had a tough time ranking). Ultimately, however you rank seasons 2, 3, 5, 7, and 9 are just a matter of personal preference. For me, the “Bay Harbor Butcher” plot line is too early in the series, and this season might’ve worked better later on in the show’s run. After all, people don’t notice that literally dozens of other Miami murderers and murder suspects come up missing even after “the butcher” is dead?
Although I can’t say that I really missed Sgt. Doakes since his character is annoying as hell, and his constant puffed-up, bull-in-a-china-shop machismo was growing more than a little tiresome only two seasons into the series. It probably isn’t realistic that he would keep up his crusade against Dexter much longer, but the fact that it’s Lila that kills him is a glaring example of what “Dexter” does wrong where other shows like “Breaking Bad” do right: it twists itself into pretzels to make Dexter the luckiest murderer alive, getting to avoid having his hands get dirty more than once by having things magically work out for him (in “Bad,” Walter White’s problems don’t disappear without his hands getting dirty, he has to actually be responsible for someone like Jane’s death or the poisoning of a kid in order to manipulate an apathetic partner). And I also didn’t think Dexter made the right decision picking someone like Rita over someone like Lila, still the only person that ever really understood him completely (as Angela just showcased in “New Blood”). Grade: B-
6. Season 3…A lot of this season is just so-so, and the tree-trimming psychopath would’ve been the weakest “Big Bad” if he actually were the season-long villain. However, Jimmy Smits is a revelation in a rare villainous role. Smits is the dark heart of the season, and his near-orgasm during his first kill is a good example of the fine line between vigilantism and revenge. Many of the most interesting developments (like Rita’s pregnancy) don’t really pay off until the superb season 4. Grade: B
5. Season 5…Dexter and Julia Stiles team up against a “Kill Club” of sorts, as a group of men torture and murder young women for thrills, including Jonny Lee Miller’s nefarious self-help guru. I never found Miller’s “Big Bad” remotely believable or scary, and he’s a major letdown after the Trinity Killer in season 4. Still, it’s nice to see Dexter playing off someone neither repelled by his true nature (Doakes) or turned on by it (Lila), but merely, tacitly accepting of it in service to a larger goal. And Peter Weller is always a joy to watch as a private detective on the case of Dexter (even if it’s a little odd the show has no real remorse or exploration of the fact that Dexter murders him outright, a true violation of his code). Ultimately, this is the first season where Dexter isn’t overly bogged down by Rita and the two kids she had from her previous marriage, and maybe that makes it feel a little bit better than seasons 2 or 3. Grade: B+ (borderline B with no +)
4. Season 9 or “New Blood”…This and season 5 are really tied in my book, and it truly was a coin toss which was best. Maybe I just think Julia Jones is a more interesting actress to watch than the other Julia (Stiles), and definitely enjoyed Clancey Brown’s villain more than the season 5 antagonist(s). I wrote an article right before this detailing everything I loved (the instant atmosphere added by the tons of snow, making this feel more like a compulsively-addictive mystery novel) and things I didn’t (namely, the ending, the missed opportunity with dropping the oil tycoon completely, the flat actress that portrays Angela’s daughter, and the overwhelming Harrison dynamic), and you can check that out for more clarity. But the genuinely tense stand-offs between Dexter and Kurt, Brown’s delightfully unusual performance (both reveling in his dirty deeds and wide-eyed at his own horrors, almost like a little boy peaking through his fingers at a horror movie), and Michael C. Hall’s infinitely compelling performance make this one of the better “Dexter” seasons. Grade: B+
3. Season 7…I’m not sure a lot of people would rank this season so highly, which is a real shame because it’s subtly excellent. We’re introduced to a pair of fascinating new antagonists (or are they?) in Ray Stevenson’s Ukrainian mobster and Yvonne Strahovski’s beautiful poisoner, the only person to truly escape Dexter’s table (in one of this season’s many delightful surprises, they have sex on it instead). But this season completely subverts our expectations every step of the way by having neither new character be the real “Big Bad,” and even having Deborah develop romantic feelings for her (adopted) brother. [The chemistry was there all along, as Jennifer Carpenter and Michael C. Hall did get married in real life…although they had just gotten a divorce by the time the series caught up to their vibe.] In a way, Dexter is the real villain of the season since he’s ready to murder Lt. LaGuerta towards the end of the season after she’s discovered the truth about him. In a genuinely surprising finale, it’s Deborah that has to kill LaGuerta in order to save her brother–this is a believable yet utterly devastating act for Deb, who was a very honest cop up to that point. Grade: A-
2. Season 1…This and season 4 are easily the best seasons (and I’m a little annoyed that Rotten Tomatoes actually has season 2 ranked higher). You could pick either and make a compelling case. The season-long antagonist is Dexter’s biological brother who has a major grievance against Dex’s adoptive family (a theme so rich with dramatic potential, “Yellowstone” just employed the similar nature vs. nurture conflict in its fourth season). This might very well be the best villain in “Dexter” history, as it’s the one created by the very same tragedy–the brutal mother of Dexter’s mother–that created Dexter’s “dark passenger.” In addition, the season is surprisingly playful when not being outright suspenseful, and does a great job of setting up the show’s singular tone: a world where the forces of evil and “good” (less evil) aren’t just at war, but at play. Grade: A
Best Season: Season 4…How could I have picked anything else? The entire season doesn’t merely set up juicy scenarios, but actually likes playing around in them (which so many shows forget to do, merely content to set up plot developments instead of have fun with them). For example, the first episode has sleep-deprived new father Dexter crashing a car with a body inside the trunk; in another, an old character is brought back only to be shockingly gunned down early in the season.
All of this is before even getting to John Lithgow’s terrifying and terrific Trinity Killer, perhaps Dexter’s best known villain. Lithgow knows he has a juicy role and plays it to perfection, enjoying every acidic sneer and ice-cold smile. Dexter is “studying” him in order to become a better father and husband (or at least pass as one to the outside world) and their interactions are fascinating before they–inevitably–turn riveting. The shocking finale is legendary and sent the second half of the series into a totally different direction that still played out into the final minutes of the reboot. Now that’s a season. Grade: A