6:00–How will Scalia’s death affect this debate? We’re about to find out…
6:01–It should be a barn-burner. Chief asshole Ted Cruz has already said he wants to wait until next year for a replacement which would be unprecedented.
6:02–This phony debate begins with a moment of silence which is more than most candidates gave before commenting on how Obama should wait to nominate a replacement.
6:06–Trump says Scalia was a great man…for hating gays, minorities, women, etc.
6:07–The question goes to John Kasich, if he’s an actual moderate then he might want to actually be moderate on this. No surprise, he isn’t. He basically says what Trump said.
6:09–Kasich is Trump except he says it kinder. He might even give you a cookie after he bans your abortion rights.
6:11–They keep saying not to politicize this death, but it would be unprecedented to wait a full year to replace a dead Supreme Court Judge. If Republicans do this, they will look awful.
6:12–If Obama puts up 2 or 3 nominees and GOP turns them all down because they’re his nominees, then it will just make them look worse and worse.
6:13–Ted Cruz lies through his teeth about there not being nominees confirmed in election years. It’s actually never been the case that a vacancy would go unfilled for a full year, and 18 justices have been confirmed in election years.
6:15–If even one of these guys wouldn’t pretend Scalia was a good person, I might consider voting for them. This is a guy who didn’t think gay people should exist, who waxed nostalgic about segregated schools, who was awful on women’s rights, and showed absolutely no sympathy to anyone while he was alive. The most politically partisan judge of my lifetime.
6:18–Marco Rubio is able to release a geyser of bullshit out of his mouth unchecked. Where is Chris Christie when you need them?
6:21–Ben Carson whines about not getting enough time. Yes, because that’s working so well. “Thanks for giving me a question early on” sarcastically, he has used this line at every damn debate.
6:24–We get to the part where Jeb Bush tries to start some shit with Donald Trump…
6:26–…And the part where Donald finishes it.
6:28–Ted Cruz “I understand Ka-maine-ee” says the guy who cannot even properly pronounce his name.
6:30–Another long, boring drawn-out conversation about a Middle-Eastern war. You guys know you’re running for American president right?
6:33–Donald Trump gets booed for saying the truth about Iraq. “They lied to us about Iraq” and this is the rightest he’s ever been, and gets booed.
6:34–I think he’s onto something about this being a paid crowd of lobbyists. Bush even got cheers for saying “my dad is the greatest man alive.”
6:36–Rubio said “Bush kept us safe.” How in the hell can you possibly say that?
6:37–Trump “How did he keep us safe? 9/11 happened under his watch!” Is Trump trying to get my vote? Damn I like what he’s saying tonight, and nobody is more surprised than me.
6:38–Trump is the most truthful man on that stage…I am running to donate money to Hillary right now.
6:41–Trump is making sense! Strike me dead lightening! I can’t take this!
6:42–“Trump you’re the only one who says he won’t touch entitlements” Jesus Christ, I like Donald Trump! Ahhhhhhh! Take me Lord…
6:44–Now he’s talking specifically about off-shoring jobs and how he’d bring them back. He actually seems more specific and credible on this than Bernie! This is not happening!
6:45–Whew, before I could actually start liking Donald Trump, Ted Cruz started talking a gusher of horseshit to break up Trump’s sense-making. “Thank you Ted Cruz”–First time that’s been uttered.
6:46–Rubio is talking…again…You can almost feel the flop-sweat.
6:49–Fun fact: John Kasich isn’t actually a moderate, he just plays one on TV.
6:50–Bush and Kasich are arguing about something. It seems like a debate about drug policy spending for the addicted to go to rehab, but that can’t be right, that’s an issue I actually care about…
6:56–Another commercial break led into with “Time for the free market.” Hyuk yuk yuk
7:01–This crowd fucking sucks. They won’t stop hollering/booing. We came to hear the candidates be stupid…If you want to heckle them, get on social media like the rest of them.
7:03–They won’t stop doing it. Hey assholes, this isn’t dollar-beer night at Chuckles Comedy Club.
7:06–The requisite immigration fight between Cruz and Rubio. They have done this every single debate.
7:08–Jesus, this crowd seems drunk. I guess this is the last Saturday Night debate they’ll ever have. Is it possible for bouncers to throw out an entire audience?
7:11–John Kasich says about in-fighting “I think we’re about to lose this election to Hillary Clinton.” I think you’re right!
7:13–Ben Carson “Go to my website and read my position on immigration.” It’s pretty good for a MySpace page.
7:15–Ted Cruz pretending to care about black people, minorities, young moms, etc. to turn them against Obama.
7:16–I thought they were the problem Ted?
7:18–They ask Trump if he would bully industries to create jobs. I’m not really seeing what would be so wrong about doint this…
7:19–Real question “What’s wrong with doing this?”
7:22–They ask Trump about changing positions, and he actually delivers a good answer to this. Saying that adults can change their minds. Changing your mind when new information comes in? No wonder he and the Bushes don’t get along…
7:26–Cruz starts lying, big surprise. Trump says “You might be the biggest liar I’ve ever met. You might be worse than Jeb.
7:26–Ted Cruz says Donald is “great entertainer.” I don’t know Ted, this con job you’ve done convincing people that you’re Southern is pretty convincing. And all that clown make-up? It’s real art.
7:30–Ben Carson says “People don’t want me to scream and jump up and down” to crickets. I think they just might.
7:31–He starts attacking Bernie’s proposals, apparently unaware of GOP plot to make him the nominee. What if his microphone got cut off right now?
7:33–John Kasich is asked why he’s the Democrats favorite Republican, except that he isn’t my favorite…
7:36–Moderator “Donald, you don’t seem like somebody who gets told no a lot.” Moderator has asked increasingly personal questions to Donald.
7:38–“Donald, people don’t like the profanity.” Actually I don’t give a fuck.
7:38–The questions seem to be not just negative towards Donald but personal. “Donald, why are you such a piece of shit?”
7:41–Trump’s face is as red as the background. He’s really not helping his case tonight for anyone who thinks he’s a hot-head. My God, is this race going to change AGAIN? Why do I feel like tired old Jeb will be the last man standing…
7:48–When they come back from commercial break, John Kasich kisses ass by talking about God’s plan for you all and how much he wants for you. Yet he doesn’t specifically say how he can help the economy.
7:49–Carson is trying to re-phrase question of “He can’t win,” by saying he can. Sure Ben, whatever…
7:51–Carson says he’s frustrated by people saying “I like him but he can’t win.” Well I also don’t like you, is that better?
7:52–Carson “We can turn this thing around!” A week later “I’m dropping out of the race today.”
7:52–Rubio is promising to ban abortion and redefine marriage between one man and one woman. I thought the gay marriage debate was over?
7:53–Time for Ted Cruz for lie through his teeth…
7:53–This guy drives me nuts with his passive aggressive attacks. We know he’s Canadian because of his fake “nice guy” image. “I really like Donald Trump but here’s why he’s a horrible human being.”
7:54–Cruz “How do you know shares your values?” Everytime this Canadian-Cuban starts talking about values, it kills me.
7:55–Trump’s final appeal is one against paid interests in Washington, and politician puppets. It seems like he’s picking up on some of Bernie’s populism. Of course, the fact that the most populist guy on stage is a billionaire is worth 20 think pieces by themselves.
7:57–Is the debate over? Usually on cable news they have the candidates walk off stage and pretend to like their families and that’s how we would know.
7:58–They said they’d be “right back” but it just led to an infomercial. Sneaky, sneaky CBS…
Welp, that’s all folks. Who knows how this Supreme Court Justice death will affect the Republican nomination, but it makes me want Hillary even more than I already did.
It’s been fun Bernie, but you can go now. This is a dog fight, and it’s time to get serious.