4:00–We’re here, as the GOP allows its sorriest candidates to take up airtime…
4:01–Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum, Carly Fiorina, and Jim Gilmore are there. Good Lord, what a pitiful crew.
4:02–The first question to Mike Huckabee “Why aren’t you popular this time out?”
4:03–He says that his message is just fine, BUT it’s clearly not working. He even said “Let’s get rid of abortion” and got no applause.
4:04–Rick Santorum’s first question is if he too will drop out after Iowa.
4:04–Santorum seems outraged…at his own lack of media coverage.
4:05–This is the angriest I’ve seen Santorum at any of these debates, and it’s because he’s complaining about his own treatment as a candidate polling at 0%.
4:06–Carly Fiorina talks about some horseshit for three straight minutes.
4:12–Mike Huckabee “if you want to take the money out of politics, I’m available” only because no one is donating to you. I remember him begging Donald Trump for money at the first debate.
4:15–Carly Fiorina says “Climate crisis is not our most pressing issue.” The crowd agrees, the world doesn’t.
4:15–Another token Benghazi mention. IF Republicans actually cared about Benghazi, then why did 13 Hours flop at the box office?
4:17–They ask Mike Huckabee about ISIS because…I guess that’s something you have to do at a debate.
4:18–“I wonder how Mike Huckabee feels about ISIS”–No one, ever
4:19–The most interesting thing about this debate: Jim Gilmore is still alive. I thought he was still in the race before this, but I knew they had to find him to ask him.
4:20–Jim Gilmore advocates the notion that we don’t spend enough on our military. I hope he’s not still on stage after we get back from the first commercial break.
4:22–Two minutes into a commercial break. Outside of the Superbowl, the first time I’m glad to have one.
4:23–Debate moderator “This promises to be a long night.” I couldn’t agree more…
4:24–They ask Mike Huckabee about government spending. [Yawn] Somewhere there’s a poor bastard in a hospital bed who can’t get up to change the channel.
4:25–Fiorina’s red jacket: is she trying to look more like Cruella DeVille?
4:26–Fiorina advocates a three-page tax code. I’m starting to see how Hewlitt Packard almost went under during her time there.
4:27–“If what you did at HP didn’t work, why would it work for the Federal Government?” Even the debate moderator seems tired of her shit.
4:28–The moderators seem genuinely of having to go through this Mickey Mouse shit before every debate. The questions seemed designed to say “wake up dummy, you’re 8th through 12th in a race that can only have one winner.”
4:30–Santorum…he’s talking about people doing economically poorly and he’s not talking about it nearly as angrily as he was when asked about his 0% in the polls. The mere suggestion he shouldn’t be in the race if he doesn’t do well in Iowa made him red-faced.
4:31–Jim Gilmore tries to interrupt Huckabee’s question. It’s clear he’s fighting his way to 0 percent because right now he may actually be at negative poll numbers.
4:33–Gilmore is also furious…at the media not giving him more time to speak. He complains about Fiorina getting more time…to almost no applause.
4:34–“I guess?” says crowd.
4:36–Huckabee is talking again. From preacher to politician to radio host, this is a guy who really likes the sound of his own voice.
4:39–Santorum is AGAIN advocating deregulating the environment. Who in the hell told him people want this? This has never gotten real applause, and the Flint Michigan water scandal is scaring people into more regulations, not less.
4:42–Fiorina seems happy her husband shows up to the debate. “He’s right there!” And Bill Clinton doesn’t watch Hillary’s debates? “Well that’s all the proof we need your marriage is better Carly”–people desperate to get away from talking to Carly Fiorina.
4:44–Fiorina talks about putting Hillary in jail, and it draws the biggest applause of the debate. Whew…well looks like there’s not going to be much middle ground this year…
4:45–Fiorina asked about Planned Parenthood fake-video scandal. Deflects by saying that Hillary Clinton hasn’t been indicted…”Uhhh, sure, that makes sense.”
4:47–Now Fiorina is outraged at the questioning of Rick Santorum’s pro-life credentials…Anger at how these people are treated by the media seems to be a recurrent and narcissistic theme…
4:48–Jim Gilmore “I stand second to none on fighting Islamic terrorism”…Yes, except for ANYONE with any experience at all fighting it.
4:50–Mike Huckabee is baffled at Bernie’s socialism and the popularity. Yet I’m guessing there’s a lot of things that baffle Mike Huckabee, like Science, Art, Women drivers, and indoor plumbing.
4:52–Another commercial break. Each one is a slight relief.
4:56–A commercial about the new movie “Risen” which is based on the Roman search for Christ’s grave. Just one problem: It never happened.
4:57–Jim Gilmore’s closing statement is about how he won’t go to Donald’s “billionaire” charity dinner…yet I’m pretty sure he would suck Charles Koch’s cock for a campaign donation.
4:58–Mike Huckabee=barely trying. Used Adele’s song to try to be funny.
4:59–Fiorina talked about something…
5:00–The undercard debate is over with no real fanfare
Interesting to note: next week’s ABC debate won’t have an undercard debate, so we’ll probably never see any of these people again. What a great way to end the week.