The review you’ve been waiting with baited breath for. [eye roll] Don’t worry, I’ve got much more current films scheduled all throughout the day, so keep checking back.
What Works: The acting is bad, the pacing is worse, the direction is shoddy, and the dialogue is terrible. So what makes Percy Jackson any good? I would say “nothing” but there’s a slight kick when you see a CGI bull rampaging around a campsite or a 10-stories tall Chronos wrecking the place. These movies have a comfortable, downright-cozy feeling to them that are probably perfect for television on a Saturday afternoon when you can’t find anything to do with your kids…just not in theaters. The best special effect? A literal water horse that actually looks somewhat real and accomplished. For the two minutes this thing is on screen, I felt something close to wonder.
What Doesn’t Work: The acting is bad, the pacing is worse, the direction is shoddy, and the dialogue is terrible. This is the kind of movie that doesn’t think twice about putting a dozen “eye” jokes around a cyclops character. Plus, there are about five instances in the film where a character dies…then comes back to life magically! Well, it’s not so magic by the 3rd or 4th time, and it’s a little hard to care about anything we’re seeing on screen when there’s no consequences.
What I Would Have Done Differently: Stayed at home and watched the last two Harry Potter movies again.