Miley Cyrus made “news” (celebrity news) this week when she danced erratically on-stage with an understandably uncomfortable Robin Thicke while making Jim Carrey-circa-1995 faces with an enormous drunken teddy bear in the background. Somewhere, Billy Ray Cyrus is wondering why he wasn’t asked to play the teddy bear.
Against all odds, Donald Trump’s online University, Trump U. was revealed to——and I can’t believe this—–not be a real university. Some students spent nearly six-figures trying to learn Trump’s “real estate secrets” and felt swindled out of their money at Bullshit U. You want to know Trump’s real estate secrets? Be born rich as hell, then continually act like 150 million dollar head start and a fully functioning empire from your father is nothing.
The Palazzo hotel and casino is trying to evict one of its nightclubs——–The Act——claiming the nightclub is just too sexy. In a completely unrelated coincidence, The Act’s business surged 10,000% this week.
Monopoly fans were saddened this week when the board game unveiled its newest piece voted on in a massive online poll, and it was a kitten. I guess the notoriously powerful Old Cat Ladies are responsible for rigging up this travesty of democracy. But seriously, Monopoly “purists” should really find better things to be upset by…like this…
Asshole of the Week: Ben Affleck-as-Batman-haters. Speaking of senseless, puritanical outrage, a lot of people apparently REALLY don’t want Ben Affleck to play Batman. There are massive online petitions trying to get him recalled, twitter/facebook outrage (the most increasingly meaningless outrage), and even a suicide pact for when the movie comes out…Jesus, just imagine what we could do if people gave a shit about something that matters. [I’ve never seen that many signatures to stop a fracking spot or the stay of execution for an inmate with reasonable doubt.] Perhaps Ben’s longtime pal Matt Damon said it best when he said “Compared with The Town and Argo, I definitely think Batman is in Ben’s skill-set. We’re talking Batman, not King Lear.”