Red State Vs. Blue State: Brody Vs. Betty

In this debate I will be talking to a super religious housewife whose husband is in the military.

Brody: Hi, thank you so much for coming out. I mean it.

Betty: You’re welcome.

Brody: Why do you hate gays?

Betty: Wait…what?

Brody: Okay, we’ll skip that one for now. Actually, I would like to ask why I asked five men to come on this blog and debate me, and they all said no. You were one of only three women I asked and you said yes without much hesitation. You didn’t even give me a list of conditions and didn’t want to see the questions I was going to ask you.

Betty: Maybe I should have.

Brody: Maybe, but I guess my question is why do female Republicans like Sarah Palin and yourself seem to have all the guts while John Boehner cries if you sneeze on him?

Betty: Well…[laughter]…I don’t know if you can say that, because Hillary Clinton has some pretty big balls.

Brody: And thank God for that. Gays in the military…go

Betty: Do you mean how do I feel about gays in the military?

Brody: Yes…go

Betty: I’m against it.

Brody: Why do you give a shit? Go

Betty: Okay, you don’t have to say go every question, you can just ask it.

Brody: That doesn’t really affect the price of rice…now go

Betty: This is kind of frustrating. But I do think gays should not be allowed in the military.

Brody: Why?

Betty: It’s a sin and it hurts morale.

Brody: Gay literally means happy, how does having happy soldiers who can match their fatigues to their combat boots hurt morale?

Betty: Because you…you don’t know where the other guy stands.

Brody: He stands behind your husband with his pants around his ankles.

Betty: I get that maybe you’re trying to be funny but that’s not funny.

Brody: Where did your husband serve?

Betty: Finally, a fair question. He served mostly in Germany.

Brody: Germany? I didn’t know Bin Laden had infiltrated Oktoberfest.

Betty: There’s a military base in Germany.

Brody: Your husband wasn’t on active combat duty the entire two years?

Betty: No, not the entire two years.

Brody: Now that gays are allowed to serve openly, do you worry he’ll be seduced?

Betty: No! He would never choose that type of lifestyle, we’re Christian.

Brody: I can’t believe we’re halfway through this debate and you’re just now playing the Jesus card. It’s never taken you this long before.

Betty: I’m proud of my beliefs, and never miss a chance to spread the word.

Brody: Martin Luther King Jr. famously called 11 o’clock on a Sunday morning the “Most Segregated Hour in America” comment?

Betty: I don’t see it that way. We have had many black people come to our church.

Brody: How many?

Betty: Three that I can think of.

Brody: Three isn’t many and if takes you less than ten seconds to remember and count them, it reinforces my point more than takes away from it.

Betty: I don’t know what your problem is. If I was some black single mother on welfare you wouldn’t be asking how many white people had been to my church.

Brody: What is the main difference between you and a black single mother on welfare?

Betty: Uhhh…a lot of difference. What kind of question is that?

Brody: You don’t work. You generate zero income, and live off the assistance of another person. Your husband pays for everything, but the government pays his salary. The government might pay a portion of a single mother’s salary but she didn’t marry a provider. You did. A single mother on welfare might work more than you do. She might work forty hours a week at Wal-Mart but it’s not enough so she uses food stamps because she’s working a job you would never take.

Betty: Okay, we’re done with this shit—stuff. I’m done with this.

Brody: But what is the difference between you who generates no income and uses the assistance of another and a woman who doesn’t have that type of partner—

Betty: If a woman can’t afford kids she shouldn’t have them, period.

Brody: But if your husband left you, you couldn’t afford your kids either.

At this point she left the debate and told me not to use her real name or I would be sued. Her “church group wouldn’t like it” so I’m calling her Betty Draper because I might as well have been debating a housewife from the 1950’s anyway.