Twilight, Breaking Dawn: Part II (you know a franchise has gone on too long when you have to classify its sequels into subsections) will be the most divisive movie of the year. Barack vs. Romney, who cares? “Does Twilight suck or is it, like, the best ever?” That’s the real blood sport taking place across America. Although I will say that I could feel the enthusiasm waning for this series just a bit, and I think Warner Brothers are picking the exact right time to cash out for good (maybe they shouldn’t have stretched The Hobbit into three parts after all). Anyway, onto the inevitable…
What Works: The introduction of a pair of Brazilian babe vampires (one of whom can manipulate thoughts…and heartbeats of male audience members) are welcome sex appeal, as some might like the ragtag army the Cullens assemble to help them in their fight against the vampire authority. Michael Sheen is clearly having a good time as the leader of the vampire government (although he might be having more fun than the audience at this point). And I have to admit that I’ll miss having these terrible yet watchable movies to shit on. Much like Richard Nixon, pretty soon, we won’t have Twilight to kick around anymore, and my Worst of the Year movie list will become more competitive.
What Doesn’t Work: Is there a sense of nostalgia for the ending? If so, you couldn’t tell until the end credits. Instead of milking this story into a grand resolution for everyone (which is only appropriate, since the last book was split into two parts), the entire thing revolves around a looming battle that ends in an anti-climatic fake-out. It’s all set-up, set-up, set-up and has been that way since the vampire overlords were introduced in the second movie, but no pay off. Then the actual ending is rushed without real resolutions for some of the major characters, it feels almost tacked on and waaaay too abrupt for a series of five movies that have had a clear plot outline from the beginning.
Plus, the series trademark awkwardness hasn’t gotten any better with age, sometimes making you feel as if the director’s notes to the actors consist of “Be more awful,” and not much else. And the book’s author’s Mormon background has only gotten more unintentionally obvious as the creepy, pale family “welcome” Bella, and discourage her from interacting with “outsiders” who won’t understand what they are.
What I Would Have Done Differently: hahahahaha, like Warner Bros gives a shit? This thing has been a cash cow for everyone involved, and no one involved cares about how awful these movies get or the hundreds of tiny ways you could improve them.