[The subtitle of this title could be “or, in other words, today is Thursday.” Still, there was more than enough material to devote an entire Petty Issues to the healthcare law.]
John Boehner once again seemed flummoxed by the constitution as he actually uttered this quote (just imagine Tom Brokaw’s voice, and you’ve got Boehner’s reading of it) “Apparently, the government can now give you a tax on Tuesday if you don’t eat your broccoli. Apparently, that’s in the constitution now.” Yes, and has been since before your father was born John. You might want to actually be familiar with congress’s taxation powers—-which are that they can impose any tax for any reason, they just usually don’t—-since you’re, you know, Speaker of the House now.
Eric Cantor responded by putting on his deer-in-the-headlights facial expression, dialing down his hideous smile (which is equal parts nerd grin and the look of a man who just sniffed burnt hair), and babbling about freedom and America for a few minutes. Just look at any speech Cantor has ever given, and you’ve pretty much got what he said here.
Sarah Palin took to her preferred method of respectability (a Twitter feed) to call Obama “a liar.” Keep staying relevant Palin, your shit’s totally not getting stale at all…You’re just a couple plays away from the White House and totally not about to join the trash heap of pop culture next to pet rocks and New Coke.
Mitt Romney said he would do his best to repeal “Obamacare,” the exact image of “Romneycare” gone federal, and jabbered about how he was the best person to overturn the law…I guess because he helped designed the blueprints of it.
AND the Biggest Asshole of the Day, Week, Year, Millennium: Fox News, once again earning their nickname Faux News, by reporting the law had been overturned…when it hadn’t. Remember way back in 2000, when they alone were the station saying Bush won Florida (and thus the presidency) even after all the other stations had called it for Gore? Then the other stations marched back their own results—-figuring that a news agency wouldn’t stoop to lying about a presidential race, not figuring on Fox News. Well, today felt a little like that, except this time it didn’t work, and Faux looked like the proper jackasses they are. It was hilarious watching Republican politicians tweet that the verdict was “just” when they thought the law had been overturned, and then “not just at all” when it hadn’t been overturned.