The Summer movie season has already started, and I’m left wondering when it ever ended since nearly every other week sees a Marvel superhero, young adult adaptation, or some other big budget CGI non-sense. I’ll admit that this is not the strongest summer for movies, and very few of the bigger budget sequels look promising, but still…Not all blockbusters (or indies) are created equal…
The Ten Summer Movies I’m Least looking Forward to…
Runner-Up: Jupiter Ascending…Who isn’t rooting for the creators of The Matrix to make a creative comeback? Plus, I actually really loved their adaptation of Cloud Atlas (unlike most people), and I have to give credit to any Summer blockbuster that’s an original idea. Still, I doubt this movie will be their big creative and commercial resurgence, although I am rooting for it.
10. Edge of Tomorrow…I’m sure this movie will be at least so-so, but the increasingly impersonal science fiction of Tom Cruise (Oblivion) gives me pause, especially when the trailer for this looks straight off the assembly line.
9. Maleficent…Maybe I’m just burnt out on Disney repurposing their properties, but this looks like an episode of Once Upon a Time super sized, and not a very good movie in its own right.
8. Hercules…We’ve already had one terrible Hercules movie this year, and the words “directed by Brett Ratner and starring The Rock” don’t make it seem like you should expect to see this one at the Oscars.
7. X-Men Umpteen…As burnt out as I am on old-fashioned Disney properties made to look “dark or gritty” (it’s hard to type that and not laugh), I’m twice as burnt out on Stan Lee-inspired movies. This one looks like another straight off the Marvel assembly line, and it’s convoluted premise looks like it’ll be all set-up and no satisfaction.
6. Purge 2: Anarchy…The first Purge was garbage, and this one gets dissed for no other reason than they stole my idea to set it in the hell’s-breaking-loose, any-crime-goes streets. [The first film squandered its premise by hiding in a house for most of the movie.]
5. Blended…Most Adam Sandler movies are pretty bad, and you can feel the formula of “stupid premise” + “vacation spot” = “I’m having a good time getting paid to go on vacation and make a movie” on this thing too. Plus, this has the potential to be extra-offensive since it’s set in Af-ri-ca! and features broad caricatures of African people. For example: The trailer just keeps referring to it as “Africa!” without ever specifying which country they’re in. Imagine if someone said “You want to go to Europe?” and then never specified if they meant Italy or Greenland.
4. Think Like a Man Too…Speaking of broad caricatures, the Kevin Hart machine cranks out another fart…
1. [Three way tie] Transformers 4, Expendables 3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles…It’s okay to let a franchise die. All three of these movies are based off of nostalgia for the 80’s and not much else. Sometimes, we have to move on and it’s okay not to keep bringing all the things we liked thirty years ago into the future.
Now…
The Ten Summer Movies I’m Looking Most Forward…
Runner-Up: The Collected Works of James Franco…He’s got three indies this summer and a cameo in Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, which looks at least as good as the first one. People think he’s a douche, but he’s a hard working douche at the very least.
10. A Million Ways to Die in the West…Comedy Westerns almost never work, so naturally I’m rooting for this one to.
9. Guardians of the Galaxy…Yes, I’m tired of the Marvel machine (Spider Man 2, Captain America 2, X-Men 15 all in the span of three months), but this is the first one since Iron Man that might…m-i-g-h-t be able to walk off the assembly line and do its own thing.
8. [Tie] “Dark Places” and “The Boxtrolls”…Two films that have nothing in common except that they really open in September, and are not quite a part of summer. “The Boxtrolls” is one of those great stop-motion animated films that are maddeningly hard to create (so respect must be paid to that) and “Dark Places” is the other adaptation of a Gillian Flynn novel this year, right before October’s more-hyped Gone Girl.
7. Life Itself…A documentary about the legendary movie critic Roger Ebert, his complex friendship with Siskel, his alcoholism, his marriage to a woman that still carries on his name with an entertainment website titled after him, etc. No matter how much you agreed with Ebert’s reviews, he practically invented mainstream movie criticism and he’s actually a pretty fascinating subject for a documentary.
6. [Tie] “Rich Hill” and “Fed Up”…I’ve actually already seen “Fed Up” and loved it, so I thought I’d throw in a bonus documentary called “Rich Hill” that looks at rural poverty.
5. 22 Jump Street…A summer movie sequel that’s actually aware of how unnecessary summer movie sequels are? I’m all in. Great self-aware line from the trailer: “Just do exactly the same thing you did the first time. That’s what everyone wants.”
4. How to Train Your Dragon 2…The first one was terrific. Will this one be? Fingers crossed.
3. Boyhood…This trail-blazing indie was actually shot over the course of 12 years (a few scenes a year) to accurately depict the lead character growing up through boyhood. A sensation at Sundance, and supposedly the quiet indie to see this summer.
2. Godzilla…If any of the big summer blockbusters are going to be good this summer, my money is on this one. The very first trailer was a spooky masterpiece. Plus, more mature reboots of characters-gone-slightly-goofy (Daniel Craig taking over James Bond, Christopher Nolan taking over Batman) usually work well and if there was ever a franchise that deserved the serious treatment it would be Godzilla.
1. A Most Wanted Man…Not only do I love the John Le Carre spy novel this is based off of (especially the ending), but this is likely to be Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s last great performance. Of any movie he’s finished filming that has yet to come out, this—-sniff, sniff—may be the one fans are waiting for. Throw in Jessica Chastain, and why am I still having to sell this?
Please add more movies related to cooking if you have, because I wish for to learn more and more about all recipes of cooking. decekcaddggd